Sunday Lessons #1
On Sundays, I'd like to write a little about how God is shaping me and teaching me about Him through being a parent. God has really molded, shaped and taught me about His love for me through given me C. Although I know that right now I only see dimly, and won't fully understand God's love for me until I meet Him (1 Corinthians 13:12), I truly believe that He uses all circumstances in our lives to help us better understand who He is.
Yesterday, my mom, best friend and I had a little girls day (and we let C tag along). We went to brunch and to the mall. C is at the stage where he enjoys being in the stroller for a few minutes, but then his independence gets the best of him and he wants to run free! It was a Saturday, and the mall was pretty crowded. In an effort to keep him safe and not get another bruise on his forehead, my rule was that he could walk but he needed to be holding someone's hand or the stroller. At first, C was quick to comply, thankful for the small taste of freedom. As we continued walking, however, he grew more and more adventurous. He would sneakily start to loosen his grip on my hand, and soon after drop it completely. At first, he was still walking beside me, but he quickly sped up, making his way into a crowd. At that point, I chased after him and quickly scooped him up, reminding him that his choices were to sit in the stroller or to hold someone's hand. This was a cycle that continued for probably an hour, until we left the mall.
As I was walking, I couldn't help but to ponder the parallels to my life. Right now, as I wrote about last week, things are tough. I always need God, but right now I am keenly aware of my need as I grieve the loss of my dad and try to figure out how to move on without forgetting and while honoring his legacy and influence that he had on me. I HAVE to hold God's hand, I HAVE to be dependent on Him leading me. I flat can't do it alone (ever), but, right now in this season, that's so apparent to me. But I know, having suffered through hard times before, that, as things get easier and time passes, I will be JUST like C. I'll loosen my grip. I'll think to myself "I've got this. I'm big and independent and I can navigate this crowd on my own." I'm so grateful for a God who pursues me, who loves me enough to pick me up and bring me back to Him. I know that, as I dart through a crowd to pick up my son, I am only trying to protect C and keep him safe, however it's so hard for me to remember that God has those same interests in me. He loves me exponentially more than I can ever imagine, enough to not just chase me through a crowd, but suffer and die on a cross for my salvation still knowing that I would sin and stray from HIm. Why is it so hard for me to trust Him, and that He has my best interests at heart, more so the interests of His coming kingdom?
As I watch C grow in independence and opinions, yet know that he still has a great need for me, I'm reminded of my need for Him each and every day. Although this season has been difficult, God has shown me so clearly my depravity and His divinity. I don't wish for pain or for hard times, but He reminds me that living in this place, this desperate need for Him, His comfort and peace and guidance, is exactly how He created me to live. It's the exact place He wants me to make me more like him.
Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let that goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, oh, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
Yesterday, my mom, best friend and I had a little girls day (and we let C tag along). We went to brunch and to the mall. C is at the stage where he enjoys being in the stroller for a few minutes, but then his independence gets the best of him and he wants to run free! It was a Saturday, and the mall was pretty crowded. In an effort to keep him safe and not get another bruise on his forehead, my rule was that he could walk but he needed to be holding someone's hand or the stroller. At first, C was quick to comply, thankful for the small taste of freedom. As we continued walking, however, he grew more and more adventurous. He would sneakily start to loosen his grip on my hand, and soon after drop it completely. At first, he was still walking beside me, but he quickly sped up, making his way into a crowd. At that point, I chased after him and quickly scooped him up, reminding him that his choices were to sit in the stroller or to hold someone's hand. This was a cycle that continued for probably an hour, until we left the mall.
As I was walking, I couldn't help but to ponder the parallels to my life. Right now, as I wrote about last week, things are tough. I always need God, but right now I am keenly aware of my need as I grieve the loss of my dad and try to figure out how to move on without forgetting and while honoring his legacy and influence that he had on me. I HAVE to hold God's hand, I HAVE to be dependent on Him leading me. I flat can't do it alone (ever), but, right now in this season, that's so apparent to me. But I know, having suffered through hard times before, that, as things get easier and time passes, I will be JUST like C. I'll loosen my grip. I'll think to myself "I've got this. I'm big and independent and I can navigate this crowd on my own." I'm so grateful for a God who pursues me, who loves me enough to pick me up and bring me back to Him. I know that, as I dart through a crowd to pick up my son, I am only trying to protect C and keep him safe, however it's so hard for me to remember that God has those same interests in me. He loves me exponentially more than I can ever imagine, enough to not just chase me through a crowd, but suffer and die on a cross for my salvation still knowing that I would sin and stray from HIm. Why is it so hard for me to trust Him, and that He has my best interests at heart, more so the interests of His coming kingdom?
As I watch C grow in independence and opinions, yet know that he still has a great need for me, I'm reminded of my need for Him each and every day. Although this season has been difficult, God has shown me so clearly my depravity and His divinity. I don't wish for pain or for hard times, but He reminds me that living in this place, this desperate need for Him, His comfort and peace and guidance, is exactly how He created me to live. It's the exact place He wants me to make me more like him.
Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let that goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, oh, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
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